Change one of the most revered episodes of all time? Preposterous! And also your job for today, so get CRACKing.

• DieselMickeyDolenz wins a tube of Fat Bastard™ Crimson Hair Dye! "I'm RED SEXY!™"
• Recall317 wins the "Best of Lethal Game Shows" DVD box set, including "Jeopardy!!!," "Family Feud: Verona," and "The 40,000 Megaton Chain Reaction" starring "Luck of the Draw"'s Geoff Edwards!
• JTHeyman wins a meeting with Sabrina Lloyd!

And now, the *producers'* idea of a season premiere. You'd think FOX would love it: it's stuffed to the gills with action, humour, CGI, chase sequences, women in bikinis, *still* no historical referents, and JRD sex talk... okay, getting their point now.

Personally, I'd replace the biothermal scanner with a DNA scanner. It could flag Quinn's profile as being suspiciously similar to an existing one, without the need to 'average' anything for gender differences. Would that even work? And why try it in the first place? Is someone in the back room trying to figure out which employees are secretly related?

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Synthetic Intelligence Avatar #385D

[picture of Arturo on a cellphone]
KIPPAGE: "Yes, I'd like the Carls Junior Mega Meal, and would you supersize that please, with extra mayonnaise? Thank you!"