The True Confessions of Brand_S

Dead Stuff

Half the stuff I wrote didn't even get that far.

After the Dominion War ended, I was going to redo the whole thing in HTML, do a list of who lived and died, and send it all to Vigeant. Unfortunately (and this is one of the things I feel worst about), it wasn't to be. I kept putting it off and putting it off. Now I can't really do it at all because I don't have the information. It's a huge shame, but the amount of work it would take now is something I just don't have the time for, especially since I don't even have a copy of it.

There were also the Silver Implant Awards of February 2000, an Oscar-style awards ceremony featuring Blinker's awesome web design. This ended up being put on the back burner one day and it just never got addressed. Blinker has almost no time and I have almost no time, and the few gaps we had just didn't line up. It's a damn shame too; Stoker_chick was more than helpful in her attempts to help. I swear, that chick... Well, we can address THAT some other time...

One of my more recent failures was Series S. This was the series in which I intended to take my contempt for certain people and really make it known! It was based on the movie, Series 7, a movie whose lack of availability has ruined my life! By the way, in case y'all were interested, CoolSlider was intended to be the winner. The reason I dropped this project had to do with the whole me/Mychand debacle. She got vilified so badly in Series S that I figured, having apologized to her, broadcasting that series would really negate my apology.

Oh, yeah, and ToFGaL.

*****

Flaming for Sport

I won't bore you by rehashing the events you already know about from darkslider's Tournament of Pee. To be honest, I'm somewhat glad I didn't get farther than I did. Having defeated RandomsEdge pretty much did it for me. I didn't need to defeat DieselMickeyDolenz for any reason. Besides, I was at SO many disadvantages that day. My browser crashed, I was gone for most of the day, and I had one bad, bad, BAD headache. Of course, I was also at a disadvantage when I wrote this. I got two teeth pulled the day before yesterday, so I ended up writing about 20% of this without the ability to even talk.

But I was more than a little disappointed that the popularity of ToP had waned to almost nothing by the time it ended. Months later, I started its sequel, Tournament of Flamey Goodness and LOVE, in response to ToP's lack of popularity. I wanted to do a tournament that wouldn't suffer from the outside influences that made it such a pain in the ass for darkslider. I figured, I'd have the tournament done in a short time, and it'd be pretty popular.

Done laughing yet? I can wait.

Done yet?

Now? About fucking time.

I don't feel I need to mention what was wrong with ToFGaL... but I will anyway. There was only half the participation, I procrastinated too much, and only the competitors and judges cared. I kept getting shit about how childish I was acting by even hosting the tournament. I'm just glad Recall317 took it over when he did, or it'd still be going on today... although to be honest, I thought Ry Ry did the best job.

· Recall317
He may be relatively new, but he's one of the smartest people I've ever met online. I mean, DAMN! That he's a fan of my works doesn't hurt either. He's the reason I still write fanfic. He's also the reason it's still any good! This guy has some of the best Sliders fanfic ideas I've ever seen. Read his stuff! You will not regret it! What are you still reading this for? Go read HIS stuff, ya little fuh-fuh-FUCKER!

· SL4ever
The minute this guy dissuaded me from leaving by saying he's always been one of my "silent fans," that's when I knew I couldn't leave then. I know SL4ever didn't take ToFGaL very well, which is a shame, because I always liked him and appreciated the kind words. Now if he'd just go back to not using "gay" as an insult...

Anyhow, it will be a very, very long time before I ever do anything like that again.

*****

Other Attempted Leaves

In my last two years, I have tried to leave this place at least five or six times. There have been various reasons. There were all the times that I realized that most everyone there at the time was a moron. There were trolls and other idiots I no longer felt like putting up with. I had a lot going on offline.

I just wish I could stop myself from coming back.

But I can't. Every time I have left, something has pulled me back. Maybe it's curiosity as to how much more of a train wreck this place can get. Maybe I had something to say that I hadn't gotten around to saying before I left. Maybe it's because I'm always tottering between euphoria and extreme dejectedness and I'm on the good side for once. Maybe I'm just too used to this place. I have no idea which one it is. It's probably all of the above.

The time I remember most vividly was when I told this whole message board to fuck off. SpaceTime warned me that "[y]ou'd be surprised how little people care." He wasn't lying. The only person I ended up alienating was Stax_. It's a huge shame, too, since I always liked him a lot.

· Stax_
I don't really know a lot about S McD, except that he's from Ireland. I really don't know a lot about Ireland, except about leprechauns, specifically the one who tells me to burn things... No, wait, that's just Angus Young. At any rate, Stax_ has that raw perspicacity and that uniquely European sense of getting beaten at everything by Americans that has always made him one of my favorite posters. I just wish I got the chance to talk to him more often.

Basically, despite all of those attempts, I'm obviously still here. At least I can't say I'm alone in my attempts. Look at all the times buffyboy and SpaceTime tried to leave, only to come crawling back. It's probably happened to everyone who is still here. It'll happen to YOU!

Anyhow, since as you can see from the shrinking sections I don't have much more energy left, I'll just get to the questions that have been asked. I'll only address the ones that I haven't answered somewhere else.

FogBoy: Give us your feelings on pie.

First off, let me talk about you, FogBoy.
For whatever reason, there's been a huge stereotype that I'm this terrible, horrible, mean person. Even my online friends don't trust me further than they can throw me. At the risk of making it look like I'm pulling a "Muskie," it really hurts a person's feelings when people who are supposed to be my friends talk to me like I'm the Big Bad Wolf. I bust my ass trying to earn the trust of others, but for the most part (with the exceptions of TemporalFlux, SpaceTime, and darkslider) I've been guilty until proven innocent. I can't pretend I do or don't deserve it, but nevertheless I think that people forget that (as hard as I've tried at times to forget or make people forget this) I'm just as human as anyone else here.
When I welcomed FogBoy to this message board, it was meant as a genuine welcome. I knew nothing about this guy before, except from reading his posts, wherein I intuited that he was smart and could spell. Yet people kept asking if FogBoy was an alternate handle of mine, or if I'm playing some game with the message board. All I wanted to do was extend a welcome. I still haven't lived it down. I try to be nice and people think it's just some little trick of Brand_S'.
Well, to answer your question, FogBoy, I'm pretty much pro-pie. I like cherry. Apple is all right; if there's nothing else it's usually a reliable standby. Rhubarb I got no use for. The best pie I ever had was this one at Denny's; it had a paper-thin crust and peanut butter/chocolate filling. It completely changed my perspective on pie. Of course, being a minority in Denny's basically meant I had to wait an hour after I ate for it, (If there's one person who hates racism more than HunterD_Raven, it's most definitely me.) but it was worthwhile.

LiquidSunshine: How do you feel about AIM?

I'm just tired of all the asinine conversations. All it does is strengthen pre-existing tension, which then leads to betrayals and flame wars. You know what I'm talking about. It gets people pissed off at each other and gets people being even more political than they are here. I'm very guilty of a great deal of this, and I feel pretty fucking guilty too.

LiquidSunshine: Why would we expect you to be honest here? In this forum?

LS, I have no idea what has gotten into you, but I hope it's nothing too permanent against me.
I'm tired of playing politics all the time, and I'm tired of saying manipulative shit so I can stay on everyone's good side. This whole thing is meant as one burst of honesty and a comprehensive answer to all the questions people have about the Brand_S persona. What you expect of me is to be a liar and a coward. But LS, when have I ever lied to you or showed cowardice of any kind? I'm not a bad person. Really, I'm not.
But if you don't want to believe a word I say, then don't. I can't (and wouldn't) force you.

LiquidSunshine: Did you tell Vance what question to ask? [Vance454 asked me about my stance regarding TemporalFlux's and SpaceTime's fight, which I already answered.]

Up until my latest shameless promotion, it had been well over a year since I talked to Vance about anything; he didn't ask, either. I don't tell people what to say here.

LiquidSunshine: Why are you a bboard personality?

Probably due to the Dominion War and the fact that everyone thinks I'm SpaceTime's sycophant. I try to be a likable guy, too, but Slider_Quinn21 tries even harder at that and gets a lot less attention than me, so that probably has nothing to do with it.

With that out of the way, I guess all I can do is finish this.

One of the questions I get most often is with whom my loyalties lie. Before this, I'm sure the first answer in everyone's head was "SpaceTime." I hope I've found a way to convince you all that my loyalties lie with myself. But there are others I would help in any way I can (with a clear conscience, at least). At the top of the list are darkslider, Tigs, SpaceTime, TemporalFlux, and Yeontoo. Everyone who has a sidenote here is pretty high up too. If I forgot someone, let me assure you that it was a mistake on my part; I don't intend to ignore anyone who considers me a friend.

I wish I could finish this off by saying, "I will never post here again." (I told myself that that would pretty much be the plan if "The Green Ranger" didn't get any attention.) But who am I kidding? I'll probably never find it in me to leave, but not for lack of trying. If I'm not here tomorrow, I just hope that now whoever reads this will understand my point of view, and why I did the things I did. Not that I can pretend I'm a saint. Hell, maybe I really am one of the worst people here. I've about reached the point where I can barely stand to look at the "Brand_S" handle whenever I see a new post, which is plain annoying since I hate my real name too. Seeing as how what I've always wanted most was to be a nice person (and to be seen that way), all I can do is classify this board as another failure.

S